A Letter to My Daughters
Marriage Advice from mother to daughter
on our 15th Wedding Anniversary
To my 3 girls on our 15th wedding anniversary. As I think back over the past 15 years, I realize that your father and I were so young when we first met. We had no way of knowing what the years would hold for us…the loss and the trials, the stresses that weigh heavily on a marriage. Now, looking back, I want to show you what I’ve learned. Your dad and I have had our ups and downs but we love each other more today than we did 15 years ago. I never knew that was possible. I’m thankful that God has held us together and kept us strong through many storms. Here is my list of what to look for in your future husband… this is my marriage advice from mother to daughter.
1. The number one thing to look for in a husband is one who loves the LORD.
Remember that this is the person who will be the head of your home. You will want someone who when God calls, he will run to answer. When God speaks, he is listening. If his heart is with God, then you will not go wrong. This is the man who will be praying over you as you deliver your child. The man who will carry the song as you sing at a loved one’s funeral. The man who will sit holding your hand as you pray for healing. Because this is the man who will lead your family spiritually, you want to know where his heart is and who’s his heart is. Marriage is hard – life is hard. You will both need to be depending on God to see you through.
2. Make sure he loves his family and loves children.
Sure, we want him to love us, too. However, I think it is especially important that he love his family because the way he treats his family might just be the way he treats you. After all, you will become his family, too. If he loves his mother and his father and treats them with kindness and respect, chances are he’ll do the same for you. Along those lines, you kids have been a constant source of joy in our life. I couldn’t imagine these 15 years without you. I knew your daddy would love children as I saw him interact with my nieces, so long ago. He has always loved babies and toddlers and he still does. He has a very soft heart and that is important, especially if you are planning on having children or in our case a lot of children.
3. Make sure he values transparency and accountability.
See if he is willing to share his faults and to ask for forgiveness when he messes up. Is he able to come to you with a humble repentant heart when he recognizes when he has fallen into sin? This is so important for both husband and wife to show their true self and to know that we are both sinners in need of grace. You also need to make sure he will hold you accountable. Right now, you might not think you want this. It might sound a little scary. This has been one of the most important things in our marriage. Your father is someone who can see my failings, my shortcomings and my sins and has the gumption to call me out on it. He will not let me stay in that place for very long. And then – he still loves me through that and despite of that. I’m thankful we can do that for each other.
4. Make sure he is someone who will talk to you and listen to you.
You will want him to be someone that you can share how your day went, what you had for lunch or some deep philosophical thought you’ve been contemplating and still he is willing to listen to you. This is important, because this will keep your friendship alive and well – as well as your marriage.
5. Find someone who values what you value.
Make sure your priorities line up. This is not always easy so make sure of this BEFORE you say “I do”. Also make sure you find someone who will listen to and support your dreams, goals and callings. Find someone who will find a way to support you in these feats. Your father has done this in our life together. He worked full-time, while I finished college. He supported me through my crazy dream of owning a business and working at home. He supported me when I felt strongly that I needed to stay at home full-time. Throughout the years, we have heard each other’s hopes and dreams and put our all towards helping those things to become a reality. Keep in tune with each other’s feelings and their dreams. If you both strive to put the other before yourself, you will run into less problems along the way. Selflessness is rare these days – when you find it, recognize it.
No matter what, be flexible and realize that as you live your life together you both will grow and change. Hopefully, you will grow together and grow in the LORD and in that way your values will continue on in the same direction. Through communication, love and a healthy dose of forgiveness you will walk this road of life together.
Click here to read our “Dear Sons” Marriage advice from father to son!