Such a Time As This

Faith, Hope, & Love

Hope on the Dark Road – a mother’s journey

autism mother depression

 

Once upon a time a young woman was full of life and so in love.  She couldn’t wait to meet this itty bitty person.  She couldn’t wait to know what the future held for this little one.  She dreamed of the day she would finally have the chance to meet him. One day, she met this tiny baby – face to face.  He was the most precious young prince she had ever seen.  She knew she would love this child immensely – immeasurably – a love so deep one can’t describe.  She imagined who he would grow to be. As she held his tiny hands and little toes, she imagined when he would grow up, what he would study, who he would marry.  She knew that her life would never be the same.

 

Striving to do everything “the right way”, she knew she would never allow harm to come to this child.  But in a blink of an eye, the wonderful rosy view of the future came crashing down into a darker reality.  As more and more problems and struggles emerged for the little prince, the young woman didn’t know who to turn to.  First to doctors and then more specialists and finally to therapists.  Nobody could change this reality.  Filled with questions, she wondered what happened? What will the future hold? What can we do to help him?  This lead her into a dark forest of fear and defeat. Into tunnels of anger and frustration.  Feeling as if she had lost the child she once had, now the little prince couldn’t keep up with his peers but he also couldn’t do some of the things he once did.  Her frustration led her into an even darker forest of self-pity and sadness.

 

One day, while daydreaming she recollected on his once bright future but as if a looking glass falling from her hand, this was shattered into a million small and tiny pieces.  There was no chance to put this back together.  As time went on she grieved … she grieved the future she thought he would have, she grieved the idea of the mother she thought she was, she grieved the dreams gone and the happy, silly child she once knew.  A child who was transformed before her eyes.  There was silence, instead of calls of “mommy”.  There were loud noises.  There were fluttering hands.  Empty laughter.  Repititions where there was once calm. Destruction where there was once peace.

 

The grieving would have to pause while she got a handled on the behavior.  With little practical advice and a lot of nonsense … she was on a mission to fix what had become broken.  She came across people on this journey that called this “a gift”.  This condition that somehow her prince had was anything but a gift to her child.  She was maneuvering through this new normal with less friendships, too, because when her child couldn’t communicate and couldn’t play with the friends he once had, he was all alone.  She was alone, too.  Neither of them fit in.  Playdates stopped.  Loneliness crept in.  Parks and libraries were not always welcoming.  Behaviors made it nearly impossible to interact with others.  Loud noises made it “inappropriate” to visit.  The normal joys of childhood vanished.  Life became about managing behaviors while trapped in a glass house … so much advice, so little compassion.

 

Thus continued the long, dark, and winding road into bitterness.  It is one road that it is hard to escape.  While in the grip of this darkness that had befallen the young woman, an angel spoke with her soft voice to stir in her heart the truth of the Lord.  This bitterness needed to be released.  The truth was that the bitterness would slowly destroy the woman from the inside out – it would devour her like all sin would.  So out of the dark forest slowly she stumbled. Day after day.  As her journey continued, new friendships formed for her and the little boy.  Friends that loved regardless of how bad of a day she was having.  Friends that loved her little prince, even if he was unlike the other little princes.  Friends that knew the right words to say when she truly needed help. Friends who were sent from the Lord to show her love.

 

While wandering out of this dark forest she saw that this condition, which had befallen her son, was terrible, but what was worse was how this fear, sadness, anger, envy, and bitterness had overtaken her heart.  She feared that she could never be the perfect mother to her boy – she couldn’t fix him, she couldn’t make him like she thought he would be when he was a tiny infant.  Through the years truth was revealed.  She was called to be his mother.  God had created her. He was transforming her heart and mind.  God had created him.  He would always care for him.  He would never leave him.  He would never leave her.  She knew that she was called to love the child.  She was called to teach him.  She was called to care for this young boy.  She wouldn’t be perfect because nobody can be.  But she could be the mother that God had made her to be.  So as she went along she then allowed the Lord to guide her path.  He led her out of the dark forest and into the light.

autism mother depression

Better Family Time – autism and sibling relationships

How to Have Better Family Time – Autism and Sibling Relationships

There is no way around the truth. Autism is hard.  Autism is hard for the child who has it. It is hard for the mom.  It is hard for the dad.  It is hard for the brothers and the sisters.  It is hard for the family.  Through the years, the problems that we face seem to multiply.  I’ve got good news: there is always a way around or a way through these problems.

 

One of the problems that we faced early on with “A.”, our child who was diagnosed with autism, is lack of social skills with his peer group. For a long while he seemed unmotivated to interact with them. We needed a way to turn this lack of interest into enthusiasm.  In this case, the peers he was not interacting with were primarily his siblings. With the help of a skilled ABA therapist we got him back on track. Now, he loves to be around all of us and actually asks for us to all play together. The biggest way we were able to do this was through the use of board games. We have found that board games help with all kinds of skills. From improving math and language arts skills to memory and fine motor skills – all around they have been great for A.

autism and sibling relationships

All kids with autism are different – that is why it is called a spectrum disorder. Our son has global delays and cognitive delay. Some games (especially games with a lot of strategy) are hard for him.  However, challenging doesn’t mean impossible.  He has learned to love some very complicated games. We’ve recently added in cooperative games for him to use but most games have a clear winner. This has been hard at times (if he was the one to lose) but we are now working on the social skill of winning with grace.

 

So now, I present to you some of A’s favorites:

autism and sibling relationships

When he was younger (8-10 years old) he enjoyed:
Uno-Roboto –  ages 7+, 2-6 players, colors, numbers, matching, listening skills (robot). A family favorite!!!

Go Fish – 4+, thinking skills, decision-making skills

Crazy Eights – 4+, simple strategy card game

Old Maid – 4+, pattern recognition, critical thinking skills

Sum Swamp – for ages 5+ an addition/subtraction game, teaches turn taking, math skills odds and evens.

Candy Land – for ages 3+, 2-4 players, teaches color skills

Zingo – for ages 4+, 2-6 players, matching skills

Sequence for Kids – 4-6 years, 2-4 kids, colors, matching

The Ladybug Game – ages 3+

Bingo – ages 6+, numbers and matching

Don’t Break the Ice- ages 3-6, 2-4 players,

Sorry – ages 6+, 2-4 players

Eye Found It – 5+, 2-6 players, teamwork, matching and object identification, visual skills

autism and sibling relationships

 

Here are his favorite board games now (age 11-12):
Ticket to Ride – Europe –ages 8+, 2-5 players, color matching, complex strategy game, reading directions/maps

Sequence – 7+, 2-6 players, matching skills

UNO –ages 7+, same as the other UNO but without a robot

Connect Four – 6+, 2 players, some strategy involved, good fun for 2 kids

Trivia Pursuit (kids/family version) – ages 8+, thinking skills

Memory- ages 3+, memory skills

Forbidden Island – ages 10+, 2-4 players, strategic thinking, problem solving,  teamwork. Beware – very difficult at first. Now a favorite!

Hullabaloo – ages 4-10, gross motor skills, listening skills, problem solving

Trouble – 5-15, 2-4 players, counting

Skipbo – ages 7+, 2-6 players sequencing skills, strategy

 

Please leave a comment and let me know if there are any others you’ve tried!  We are always searching for more games to play!

Help for your Homeschool – Top Curriculum for Dyslexia

 

My Top Dyslexia Curriculum Reviews

I wanted to quickly get this out there:  If you are homeschooling or considering homeschooling and your child/children are dyslexic, YOU CAN DO THIS!  Please, be encouraged today that this is not an impossible task.  The key is knowing where to begin.  Here is a list of my favorite homeschooling curriculum to use for kids who are struggling to read, write, and spell.

Spelling:

Phonetic Zoo – This is a program from IEW.  I love everything I’ve used from IEW. Phonetic Zoo is no exception.  It is a program that is completely independent for the student and it is on CD.  My son is learning to be more independent and this curriculum is definitely helping.  I have very little involvement with him as he uses this.  When I remind him it is spelling time, he is able to put on his headphones, grab his notebook, and take his spelling test.  He works at his own pace.  The goal is to get 100% right two days in a row before moving on to the next lesson.  This is perfect for auditory learners.  He is not a visual learner.  Most kids ARE visual learners when it comes to spelling, so this auditory style is very important for NON-visual learners.  This is the only program I have seen like this.  This is the only spelling program that hasn’t produced major frustration in our house for our child with dyslexia.  I’ve seen a huge improvement in his spelling since beginning this program.dyslexia curriculum reviews

All About Spelling – We used Level 1 of All About Spelling.  We have not gone back (yet).  We may try again when our younger kids are at the point of needing a spelling curriculum.  It is an Orton-Gillingham based spelling program.  There are a lot of rules and that made it very challenging for my son with dyslexia.  There are also a lot of small (physical) pieces that come with the program, and in a house with many small children, the chances of keeping those pieces altogether is very low.  However, it is a solid program and a lot of people have great success with it.dyslexia curriculum reviews

Reading/Writing/Spelling/Grammar (paper/workbook based):

PAL – Reading and Writing – PAL-R and PAL-W, also known as Primary Arts of Language Reading and Writing is phenomenal!  I went through many programs before I found one that worked for my dyslexic and dysgraphic son.  This makes learning to read and write fun – it incorporates many games.  It uses the sound-site program to learn to read.  From IEW’s website: “By combining phonics with some sight words, your child can begin to read quickly and with ease while building a solid foundation for the future. Games, activities, and stickers add interest for the child…” I used this for two children to learn to read.  One was not quite 5 (non-dyslexic child) and one was 7.5 (dyslexic) and it has worked well for both.dyslexia curriculum reviews

Logic of English – This is a wonderful curriculum that follows the Orton-Gillingham model of teaching phonics.  It covers both reading, grammar and spelling.  From LOE’s website: “The Logic of English® Essentials curriculum uses proven, research-based methods to teach students ages 7 to adult to read, spell, and write successfully.” This curriculum is teacher intensive and is fun, but heavy.  I think it is a great curriculum but just a disclaimer – we didn’t finish it in it’s entirety.

dyslexia curriculum reviews

 ABeCeDarian – This is a curriculum based on the phono-graphix method, which helps fill in the gaps of a late reader.  It is entirely workbook based but it is a good, solid program.  I would use this program after completing PAL-R (if your child is less than 8.5 because PAL might appear too young for older children). We started with book B-2.

dyslexia curriculum reviews

Reading/Writing/Spelling/Grammar (online/app based):

Reading Horizons At Home – There are two online programs available for this program and both are based on the Orton-Gilligham approach.  One is for ages 4-9 and the other for 10 to adult.  It is an amazing program.  We used this for a full year and it did a good job at phonics, grammar rules, and some spelling.  I loved that it tracks the student’s progress and is completely hands off for the teacher.dyslexia curriculum reviews

Read Naturally – This is an awesome reading fluency program.  It is completely online.  I use it as an app on the iPad. One Minute Reader is an iPad app which works for kids on a 1st-5th grade reading level.  It first tests their reading level. Once you know your child’s level it allows them to pick from 12 stories that each take 1 minute to read.  Everyday, my son completes one of these lessons.  There are 24 lessons per grade level (for instance 3.0 has 24 lessons, 3.5 another 24).  There are a series of comprehension questions to complete with each lesson.  They have a “cold-timing” that is done at the beginning of the lesson and a “hot-timing” which is done at the end.  The goal is to meet their pre-determined reading pace.  If they do not meet that pace, they do not pass the lesson.  There is plenty of practice time.  Overall, this is about 30 minutes a day of reading practice.

7 Easy Tips to a Clean Kitchen

7 Easy Steps to a Clean Kitchen

 

We all know that we should keep our kitchen and our homes clean, but for some reason this job seems to be one of the toughest things to do, except for the time I accidentally unhooked the water supply and flooded my kitchen. Luckily for that, as detailed in a previous post, the wonderful people at Plumbwise helped me to resolve the issue quickly. With that out of the way, doing a spring clean and removing all of the dirt was definitely the second most difficult task.

We live in our kitchens all day long.  Whether we are preparing a meal, eating snacks, or doing schoolwork it seems like the kitchen is the collection ground for all things.  And it is where most of our time is spent.  For this reason, alone, it can be troublesome to actually USE our kitchens.  When piles of items find their home in the kitchen, how can we get anything done? It’s especially true if you have lots of small children at home all day long.  This has been a struggle in my own life for some time and only recently have I come up with a system that actually works!  Today, I’m sharing my plan in 7 easy steps to a clean kitchen.

Here are seven steps to keeping your a kitchen immaculate even with a full house:

1. Load and run the dishwasher every night after dinner. I know what you’re thinking, “I’m too tired from a long day!”  but starting the dishwasher up right away will help keep you less stressed out and make for a better evening … and morning!  Nobody likes waking up to a dirty kitchen with dishes piled high in the sink.  The key to a good day begins with running your dishwasher every night so that you can start your day with clean dishes.

 

2. Unload the dishwasher either as soon as it is done (before bedtime) or first thing in the morning.  This way you always have a spot for dirty dishes and if you follow steps 3 & 4 (see below) you will want to unload the clean dishes so that you have your clean dishes out and ready for the next day!

   clean kitchen

3. Keep the same drinking cup all day long. This third tip to keeping a clean kitchen is especially important in our house.  This is key to having fewer dishes to do and less cleanup too! As an added bonus there will be no more looking for an extra cup for each child! We keep our cups filled with water and then at dinner time refill our cups with milk.  Everyone knows where their cup is at all times.  I found some fun summer cups at Target that look like mason jars with lids, and straws come with them. Let’s be real … most of my kids are beyond sippy cup age … but it’s nice to use cups with lids!  Cups with lids=less spills!!!  I labeled each with the child’s name and each one also has a different pattern or color so that it is easy to identify.  This helps so much.  The kids can easily recognize which cup is theirs. Even our three-year-old knows who’s cup is who’s.  I also bought a small heavy square plate (a tray would work too) to keep all the cups in one central location.  It is heavy so that it won’t easily slide off the table.  We keep our plate in the middle of the table and when the kids are done drinking they place their cup back on the plate.  It keeps the table from looking too cluttered – but this has been so easy for the kids to remember where their cup is.  After dinner, their cups go right into the dishwasher where they are cleaned to use in the morning.

 

clean kitchen

4. Keep the same plate all day long.  This tip is helpful for keeping a clean kitchen and cutting down on waisting water and trash space (in case you use paper plates).  While we were at it, we bought matching plastic plates that the kids use all day.  They rinse it off and put it back in their spot at the table during the day. This will work well if you have a separate eating space that you don’t use for school or projects. We bought plastic plates at Target that were bright and fun for Summer.  This way they don’t break if the toddler drops them,  they are reusable unlike paper plates, and they look festive.  I set them out usually before bedtime after running the dishwasher and cleaning up the kitchen.  They are kept on the table all day and the kids are responsible for their own plate. They rinse their own off after each snack or meal.  After dinner, they get placed in the dishwasher. Voila! We are ready for the next day!

 

clean kitchen

5. Clean up as you go along. This seems like common sense but it took a long time for me to remember this and follow through! Put away your stuff as soon as you get it out … once you make the meal or once you eat the snack, rinse off the dish that you used. Next, either put it away or put it into the dishwasher. If you do this all day long, you’ll have a full dishwasher, a clean sink, and clean counters by evening.

clean kitchen

6. Use a hanging towel bag for towels. If you’re like me, you go through a lot of towels each day.  We use microfiber towels for cleaning off the table and countertops.  We also use handtowels for drying hands and for quickly cleaning up messes.  So, I started using a hanging bag – the kind that hangs off of your oven.  I have a homemade one that was made from a shop on Etsy and I’ve also made some of my own. They’re lined with PUL to keep it waterproof and they are very easy to keep clean: just throw them in your washer at the end of the night with all the towels! They are safe to go in the washer and dryer. The next day hang it back up and you’ve got a space to keep dirty towels instead of leaving them all over your sink, counters, and floors.

 

7. No toys in the kitchen! This seems like the easiest step but it is the hardest to implement!  (Don’t ask me how I know).  Just remember, all the horizontal spaces in a kitchen create a giant clutter magnet.  Make sure all the kids put away their toys, books, pencils, crayons, clothing and any other object they may have dragged into the kitchen. Anytime you see an item out of place remind them where it goes.  Make it a habit and you are sure to have a cleaner clean kitchen in no time!

 

clean kitchen

You might also like:

Make Your Own Homemaking & Homeschooling Binder

Homeschooling & Homemaking Printables {Free!}

Spring Cleaning Checklist

Kitchen Cleaning

Kitchen Cleaning (Filled In)

Did You Make These 3 Labor and Delivery Mistakes?

3 Reasons Why It’s Impossible to Have a Natural Labor and Delivery

labor and delivery mistakes

I recently gave birth to our sixth child.  As I ponder childbirth I realize that our labors are much like our children.  They are each so different.  They are unpredictable.

Each labor and delivery seems to possess its own personality along with its own thoughts, ideas and fears. We had a rather long and drawn out induction with this baby.

That wasn’t my first choice, but nonetheless we were glad we went through with it on the scheduled date. This experience brought up a realization to my husband and I of how strange the “birth culture” is in our region of the world. It seems that it is sometimes almost taboo to talk about labor – even more so a natural labor.  It also seems that labor without the use of pain medication is seen as either an accident or something very strange to participate in, if by choice.

With this past delivery, one of my nurses hadn’t witnessed a childbirth without the use of epidural – well, at least not an induction without the use of an epidural. It dawned on me that not only does our culture, in general, seems to sway us away from natural childbirth, but more specifically, the location in which we give birth has a large impact as well. Each time I set out to go “all natural” but it didn’t always work out that way.  Here are some of the reasons why.

1. What your mother tells you about birth may just be the voice in your inner thoughts

When I was having baby number 1 at the young age of 22, I just knew I wanted to have him without any medicine.  Many people laughed at this notion and many questioned it.
My mother had had two twilight births back in the day when women were actually put to sleep during delivery.  When it was time for me to be born, she had researched other options and decided on Lamaze.

She was prepared for the delivery, but when it came time to go through transition (the difficult part of labor lasting from 7cm  to 10cm dilation,) she tried to back out and asked her nurse for an epidural.
At the time, being 8cm they wouldn’t allow an epidural, per the hospital rules.  So, she was stuck pushing me out au natural and feeling every bit of it.  This was not the thrilling, wonderful experience she had hoped for and consequently she warned me “not to wait” for the meds.

During my own first labor I heard my mother’s words echo in my mind, and I, too, opted for the epidural at the earliest possible moment (5cm in my hospital) … not because I was in terrible pain but purely out of fear at that point.

 

I was afraid of what awaited me and I feared the most terrifying pain of my life.

 

I realize that this is just my personal experience, but it does make me wonder how much our thoughts are directed by those close to us.

 

As I sat down to think how close we are to our children and our moms are to us I did a search for the mother-daughter bond.

 

With this quick websearch in less than 2 seconds many website brought up the many ways that mothers impact their adult daughters: from how they feel about their body image, to their career, and their sexuality.

In this case, possibly the closest person to us as a young woman is our mother.

 

Whether we like to admit it or not our moms are the ones who took care of us when we were young, they were our role model as we  grow and they have much influence over us even as adults.

As she shares her own views and her own birth story she is shaping what our ideas are.

 

Even when our ideas don’t match hers, this influence is great, especially at our most vulnerable time when we are experiencing pain and fear of the unknown.  I’m not sure how to solve this problem, other than to say, our words are powerful and how we think about things are equally powerful.  Surround yourself with people who will support your decision – possibly a doula or family who will advocate for you.

2. Cascade of Interventions

That leads me to the cascade of interventions that many hospitals have as standard procedures.  During my first birth I was progressing just fine on my own.

It took me only two hours to go from 3-5cm.  Labor hadn’t slowed down, it was actually picking up.  At around the same time that I asked for an epidural, the doctor ordered my water be broken and a pitocin drip to be started.

The nurse even commented that I didn’t seem to need pitocin – but some doctors seem all too happy to get their patients delivered quickly which then requires the use of labor augmenting drugs.

These drugs can cause contractions that come closer together, more painfully and can even hyperstimulate the uterus in addition to causing distress in the baby.

In our case our baby did respond in distress not only passing meconium but then having a lowered heartrate.  It made it very important to get baby out when this happened.  This is usually where an emergency c-section would have been performed but in my case vacuum and forceps were used instead.

 According to the CDC and the National Vital Statistics Report of 2011,

“Fetal intolerance of labor (requiring resuscitative measures, further fetal assessment, or operative delivery) was also associated with receipt of epidural/spinal anesthesia. Nearly 78 percent of women who experienced fetal intolerance of labor received epidural/spinal anesthesia compared with 45.3 percent without any other characteristics of labor and delivery.”

 

I didn’t realize it at the time, but there is another way to give birth, but it starts long before the interventions are started.

I also feel it is important to note that some interventions are entirely necessary and rather important – some more necessary or appropriate than others.  The trick is in learning the difference and assessing the risk.

3. Where you deliver might sway your outcome

 

In addition to the use of these drugs and labor augmentation, most hospitals have a system in place to rate pain on a level of 1-10.

 

Nurses and doctors do not like to see anyone in pain, and often suggest pain medication.

 

This is true, even with prior notice of not wanting an epidural.

 

With my 3rd delivery, I also knew that I didn’t want the pain medication.

 

Even with that knowledge, my Dr. had the order for an epidural written up and waiting at the nurses station (just in case).

 

I allowed my doctor to fully induce labor with that pregnancy and found out the hard way how badly pitocin hurts…and how there was not much in the way of natural relief because of being strapped to the monitors.

 

The nurses would come in and suggest an epidural and finally by 6 cm dilated I gave in and allowed the needle to be placed in my back.

 

No sooner had I laid down than the baby descended and I was pushing.  It happened so fast that the epidural had no time to work.

 

I was crying as I realized I would get no pain relief but had to endure the pain of the needle being placed, anyway.

 

I doubt anyone would think having a needle being placed near the spinal cord so close to delivery is particularly fun!  It was excruciatingly painful…  The power of suggestion and the power of pitocin at work!!!

 

 The National Vital Statistics Report from 2011 states that 61% of women in the US receive either epidural or spinal anesthesia during delivery.
“More than three out of five women whose infants were delivered by a medical doctor (63.4 percent) or a doctor of osteopathic medicine (62.5 percent) received epidural/spinal anesthesia compared with less than one in two women attended by a certified nurse midwife (CNM) (49.8 percent)”.
Many CNMs work in medical practices with OBGYNs and deliver in local hospitals.  Many CNMs are more willing to work with their patients and try different birthing and laboring positions.

 

Also, CNMS are more likely to discuss what interventions you are comfortable with.  With my last delivery, although I was induced with pitocin, I was able to stay on a very low dose and because of my midwife, I was able to sit on a birthing ball until the pushing phase.  This helped me tremendously to deal with the pain.

 

My midwife really advocated for me and allowed me to do these things although they were not normal protocol for other doctors in this same hospital.  I was still monitored, though, so no showers or tubs and no walking too far from the bed because of the IV, cords and wires.

 

I will be posting soon with the second installment of our childbirth series and how we went pain-med free for our last three deliveries.

 

Tell me about your experiences with natural labor and delivery! Please leave a comment below.

 

 Click here to read the second installment of this series: Stop Fearing the Unknown and Go for a Natural Birth.