Mommy Wars Mayhem
My Amendment to So Long, Supermom
It came to my attention that perhaps I was a little bit unclear about what I was saying in my post from a few days ago, So Long, Supermom. I apologize if it seemed that I was calling out certain people or people with certain gifts and talents. That was not my intention in the least. Let me quickly jot down what I meant when I wrote that post.
I feel that being a mom is hard. One of the reasons it is so hard is that it seems we are always comparing ourselves to others. Am I good enough? It seems like that is the endless question of the day. At times it seems that the people that are good at certain things also feel judged or picked on by others. Both sides war with each other. Here are three problems I see that happen often in mom circles:
Some people (seem to) have all the answers, all the solutions to problems (sometimes problems that we don’t even know we have)! They have all the “right” and never show their own humanness or their own humility. I will call this the “Voice of Supermom“. All talk, little to back it up, a whole lot of arrogance. We should be careful how we speak to others, in this case with a dose of humility and a smidge less pretension and conceit.
Others like to parade around on social media and only share their “good side”. Never the bad. It looks like they live the perfect life because all they ever show is perfection. This makes it difficult as the viewer looks upon these images and status updates and they start comparing themselves to the “Persona of Supermom“. She acts the part but is she really it? (Hint: No – nobody is perfect) We’ve all been there … well at least I have. For me it wasn’t even intentional but sometimes it happens. My thought on this is that we all should be mindful of how we present ourselves to the world or to social media.
Lastly, there are those of us who may be exceptionally gifted in one or more areas. Maybe you love to cook or bake. You might be an artist. Possibly you knit, crochet or have another “crafty hobby”. You might grow all your veggies fresh in your back yard. Maybe you are an athlete or a star musician. These things are all good. Not all of us will be gifted in every way but the good thing is we can all learn from each other! That is positively awesome. So these women might give us the “Idea of Supermom” but only because we are in awe of their gifts! Though some may perceive it this way, they are probably not being haughty or conceited just because they are better at some things than we are. We need to recognize that sometimes our own jealousy can be aimed at others because of their jobs, their hobbies, their children’s abilities and so on. Let’s not let jealousy ruin a good friendship.
The truth, here, is easily missed. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’ve been.
1. Let’s stop the compare game!
2. We ALL can learn from each other.
3. When we cover up our flaws we hurt ourselves and others.
4. Nobody is perfect.
My encouragement to mothers is this: we can grow together, we can learn together and from each other, we can love each other, we can pray for each other. We should be transparent so that others might show us empathy, compassion, love and kindness. We should also be transparent to show others that whatever we accomplish is not in our strength, but in God’s.
1 Peter 3:8 says, “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”
Colossians 3:12 says “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
In closing, you might be reading this today and you feel judged or picked on because you’re the girl who likes stylish clothes or nice furnishings and fancy homemade meals. On the other hand, you might not have any of those things right now – you may or may not even desire those things and yet sometimes you feel judged, too. It doesn’t matter. I think the bigger problem here is our motivation. Where is your heart? We shouldn’t be trying to one up each other or impress others by the things we have, the things we do, or how we do them. Let’s not judge each other on outward appearance or on what one is good at (or not good at.) Who is with me on this? Let’s revolutionize the “mommy wars” with LOVE.
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Romans 12:10